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So what do I get him? He likes coffee and whiskey but those have both been overdone and he’s very picky about them. I’ve done a boudoir shoot already. I’ve made a “coupon book” in the past. He already owns about every type of cup/mug/device/drinking vessel you can think of. He loves steak and salmon but I cook fancy meals for him all the time so a nice candle lit dinner after work wouldn’t be a “special event”. I’ve thought of maybe doing a trip to do an activity he likes but I don’t have the time off of work and we don’t have much free time so I’m not sure when we’d actually get to go on the trip.
What do you get for the man who has everything?
Let me preface this by saying I’m the worst gift giver. I hate coming up with ideas. My husband is 30 and he’s the kind of person that just buys what he wants. If he’s ever mentioned it in person, he already went and bought it himself. If he hasn’t bought it yet, it’s either too expensive for me to get or he’s super picky about finding the exact right thing so I could never purchase the item as a surprise.
He doesn’t like giving ideas because he thinks the gifts should come from the heart. If he knows he wants it then he could just buy it himself. He doesn’t need me to buy it for him.
So what do I get him? He likes coffee and whiskey but those have both been overdone and he’s very picky about them. I’ve done a boudoir shoot already. I’ve made a “coupon book” in the past. He already owns about every type of cup/mug/device/drinking vessel you can think of. He loves steak and salmon but I cook fancy meals for him all the time so a nice candle lit dinner after work wouldn’t be a “special event”. I’ve thought of maybe doing a trip to do an activity he likes but I don’t have the time off of work and we don’t have much free time so I’m not sure when we’d actually get to go on the trip.
I’m just at a loss for what to do plus his birthday is shortly after Christmas so I have to come up with 2 things in a short time.
Gift ideas for man who has everything
November 4, 2020 9:38 AM Subscribe
My husband is 35 and buys himself anything he wants or needs. He doesn’t have any particular hobbies. Please help me with gift ideas, big or small. I used to plan trips but that’s not really ideal these days.
posted by amy.g.dala to Human Relations (24 answers total) 15 users marked this as a favorite
Depends on your level of comfort with Covid risk, but what about a massage? My husband is hard to gift for, and I bought him a massage (a Swedish massage) to celebrate the conclusion of a very stressful period at work. He enjoyed it and found it very relaxing. Rather like a trip in that it’s an experience-based gift rather than an object.
posted by ClaireBear at 9:52 AM on November 4, 2020 [3 favorites]
Something you can do is splurge on a very nice version of something he already uses a lot. I’d check the wirecutter.com and the various “buy it for life” sorts of lists for this.
This is perhaps complicated by the “buys himself anything he wants or needs” part. You could ask him to put together a wish list to give you ideas. You might have to instruct him to embargo buying anything he puts on the gift list until after his birthday or the holiday in question.
If he truly doesn’t need or want anything, then making a donation to a charitable cause that he would like is also a good option. With the economy doing what it’s doing, a lot of people are going to need food or shelter this winter, for example, probably even in your own town or city.
posted by gauche at 9:54 AM on November 4, 2020 [6 favorites]
If you do want to get him an object, it sounds like it’ll need to either be an upgrade as mentioned, or an entirely new thing that he will want once he knows of its delightful existence. An example that comes to mind is this magnetic balls kit, as they are very nice things to handle and play with but not an obvious potential purchase for most people. You could check one of the AskMes recommendations for life-improving/changing purchases, and Kickstarter/Indiegogo/similar can be good places to trawl around for unique-to-even-him items.
posted by teremala at 10:03 AM on November 4, 2020 [3 favorites]
Seconding wishlists – I get the urge to surprise people but really after seeing so many gifts go unused, it is the best. Experiences are also good, as are consumable things that you know they can use and enjoy.
My husband and I don’t exchange gifts anymore. We still have a nice dinner (takeout this year) and do something fun but it is not necessary to add to our pile of material things and most household items are shared anyway. Once in my life I would have found this sad but I feel differently now. Talk to him and see how he feels.
posted by soelo at 10:12 AM on November 4, 2020 [6 favorites]
Think in terms of consumable goods. If something can used up or worn out, it can take a place in the parade of self-bought stuff. So, a special food, prestigious booze, shirt, hat, gloves, plants for the yard, earphones.
A house near us now uses a robot mower, a sort of Roomba for the grass. I think the lawn may have to be pretty smooth for it to get around, though
posted by SemiSalt at 10:57 AM on November 4, 2020 [1 favorite]
maybe get some wonderful movie (it can be just online), or super special sport event to watch as a Celebration Event, together with nice dinner, or breakfast, or snacks-dessert-drinks?
It is essentially a gift of a Nice Event.
posted by Oli D. at 11:21 AM on November 4, 2020 [2 favorites]
How about making an evening of it with drinks followed by dinner for two in a fancy restaurant? Mrs_Silver and I have been working our way through the Michelin starred restaurants of London for several years now.
posted by mr_silver at 12:11 PM on November 4, 2020 [1 favorite]
I got my husband a personalized video birthday greeting from one of the stars of the original cast of his all-time favourite Broadway musical via Cameo.
It only cost me $50USD, and it was ecstatically well-received.
Prices vary based on the relative fame of the celebrity, but there’s a pretty broad range of people on there.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 12:12 PM on November 4, 2020 [12 favorites]
posted by NotLost at 12:13 PM on November 4, 2020
Buy him a Scottish lordship. Worked on Taskmaster.
posted by babelfish at 12:17 PM on November 4, 2020 [3 favorites]
It’s less romantic, but maybe take care of a task he wants done but has been putting off? Things like taking all the kitchen knives to be professionally sharpened, or if he bikes a lot taking that bike to a local shop for the gold-level going over.
We impose a no self-gifting policy from November 1-Christmas, and also for about six weeks before birthdays. I also demand a wishlist, because the things he might actually want are few and far between but extremely specific and well-researched. I do sometimes have successful surprise gifts but they tend to be in the upgrade-to-daily-use-object that others have suggested.
posted by The Librarian at 2:02 PM on November 4, 2020 [1 favorite]
I am your husband. Okay, maybe not your your husband, but you know what I mean. I have or have access to anything I want to buy, and I buy things if I want things. I do have some hobbies but I’m picky enough about my hobby related goods (which are pretty specialized and require technical knowledge to determine) that it is beyond pointless to the point of being actively annoying if others to try to buy things for me related to my interests. I am, possibly, the world’s worst person to try to give a gift to.
- First and foremost, experiences, particularly experiences I didn’t know I needed. I’m pretty awful at buying these for myself, and I appreciate being pushed out of my comfort zone a little here.
- Personal items I didn’t know I needed. As an example, I had an aftershave I liked but I thought my spouse didn’t enjoy the scent when I used it so it went by the wayside. It turns out she likes it just fine, so she bought me a new bottle.
- Kitchen ingredients I didn’t know I needed. I buy the things I want to cook, but I don’t usually buy aspirational ingredients for cooking because I don’t like kitchen clutter. Handing me a bottle of tandoori spice and asking me to cook a tandoori chicken pizza is a gift I can enjoy. The pizza was great!
- Services I didn’t know I needed. In pandemic times, using external personal services is hard, but it can be useful to identify something that causes your husband a problem and pay someone to make it less of a problem.
Oh, shucks, I forgot to mention one thing in my response that I intended to write about: Art I Didn’t Know I Wanted. I will buy art I like when I encounter it, but I don’t actively seek it out unless I’m trying to decorate a space as a project. Because of that, someone intimate who knew my taste in art could absolutely land a gift-giving win with the right piece of art.
posted by majick at 2:48 PM on November 4, 2020 [6 favorites]
I’m a big fan of the Make My Life Easier kind of gifts. They’re especially fantastic when they’re things I likely wouldn’t spend my own money to do or didn’t realize were so convenient. For my birthday my partner took my car to get serviced, filled it with gas, and got it washed and detailed. It is not something I enjoy doing and it was such a treat to not have to worry about it. If there’s some kind of household todo or personal obligation you can fulfill for him, it would both show you care and notice as well as taking something off his plate. If he’s normally the one to do household maintenance, even hiring a contractor to do the job might go over well as long as it’s framed in the right way (not “you didn’t do this so now I’m taking care of it!”).
Shared Experiences are always fantastic and don’t add to the clutter. Depending on your budget, there are a ton of events, classes, and destination type things that aren’t travel. Covid complicates this, for sure. Our most recent date nights are themed movie and takeout dinner. A friend of mine
Just took a blacksmithing intro class that was a huge hit for everyone and Covid safe as it required social distancing and an outdoor venue.
posted by shesaysgo at 4:23 PM on November 4, 2020 [2 favorites]
Some gifts that have gone well for my challenging-to-buy-for husband:
– 1) Well regarded science fiction books written by non-White/non-US/non-Male authors;
– 2) Interesting cook books like “Food Lab,” “Ratio” or “Flavor Thesaurus” for interesting takes on cooking
– 3) A sampler pack of Rancho Gordo beans (because yeah, these heirloom dried beans are what love tastes like)
– 4) A $15 spatula that is highly rated, well balanced and generally awesome
– 5) Jacobsen’s salt sampler pack and yes, you MUST get the caramels [omg, for like yourself]
posted by ellerhodes at 5:39 PM on November 4, 2020
Support your local artists and buy something from them; a handmade ceramic bowl or mug, a painting. A membership to a local theater or arts group that’s presenting shows online.
posted by lois1950 at 7:03 PM on November 4, 2020
Does he have a man cave or any science interests? Lately I’ve bought a few cool vintage German school charts on Etsy. The ones against a black background are really vibrant. They’re quite a good size and make a statement.
posted by bonobothegreat at 8:06 PM on November 4, 2020
I am a husband who buys himself anything he wants and needs, although IANYHWBHAHWAN. You have probably already confirmed that your husband likes getting gifts, but if not, can I very gently suggest you ask him, and then believe him if he says “no”?
Because I buy myself what I want or need, then by definition, any gift I haven’t bought myself is something I don’t want or need. Gifts take up space that I could better use for Things I Want Or Need. And getting rid of unwanted gifts (which is almost all of them) is stressful because it feels like a rejection of the wonderful, loving person who got it for me.
That said, I understand that for some people, gift-giving is an important expression of love, and for those people, refusing to accept a gift would be a rejection in itself, which I certainly don’t want to do! In those cases, I try to steer them towards intangibles. Some examples:
• A donation to charity. You can make these feel more gift-like by donating to something specific and concrete, like a solar oven to help feed refugees.
• Household chore gifts, whether it’s doing one of his chores so he can have the time off, or doing your own long-term chore that you’ve been putting off for a while and you know he’d be happy to have done.
• A shared experience. I’ve come to like home escape rooms, especially because they’re single use and when they’re done, I can pass them on for friends to enjoy without feeling like I’m rejecting a gift. We really enjoyed this one — they do a great job with giving you a colorful array of puzzles to spread out on your table, to create some of the visual interest of a real escape room. On a different note, a lot of theaters are figuring out how to have interesting performances over Zoom. I have heard great things about The Future. (Although be warned that it involves getting a box of props to use at home during the performance, so it’s not 100% intangible.)
posted by yankeefog at 12:58 AM on November 5, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by Short Attention Sp at 4:44 AM on November 5, 2020 [1 favorite]
Fair warning: the husband who buys himself anything he wants or needs becomes the husband who no longer wants or needs anything because eventually he has acquired all the nicer, longer lasting versions of everything he wants or needs. I always like a bottle of Scotch, Armagnac, or sipping rum. I really enjoyed the booze advent calendar my wife bought me (for my late November birthday) a few years ago, although she ended up spoiling her own surprise when she realized the two she was considering (Scotch and rum) were probably both more than half things I owned already or that she’d known I’d had at various bars. She said, “you can either be surprised, or you can pick the one you want.” That was how I found out I really like Armagnac.
This suggestion won’t work for teetotalers, but you could still figure out other experiences or subscriptions, not just magazines or streaming services but ____ of the month sorts of things like cheese, fruit, jerky, chocolate, coffee, and so on.
posted by fedward at 5:22 AM on November 5, 2020
Seconding a purchased experience in lieu of purchased travel. This could be an online event, or maybe delivery of a special meal that you’d rarely treat yourselves to.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 6:40 AM on November 5, 2020
I have given my husband gift cards towards the purchase of things that he wants (or wants to upgrade) for his specialized hobbies.
I have also adopted various wildlife in his name from organizations that raise funds by offering adoption certificates. It’s a silly thing that supports organizations doing thing we like, and it’s always nice to ponder that somewhere in the Bronx Zoo is a Madagascar hissing cockroach that bears my husband’s name.
posted by telophase at 9:03 AM on November 5, 2020 [2 favorites]
Scrapbook or letter or little journal filled with memories and things you love about him? Commission an artist that draws in a style he likes (you can subtly show him artwork as a “oh hey isn’t this cool” thing to gauge his reaction) to do a portrait or a sketch of him? Any kind of custom-made or crafty hobby you have can work in this situation as well. The point of a gift isn’t always practicality, it can just be something that shows the recipient how much they mean to you.
posted by storytam at 12:09 AM on November 7, 2020
Look at old family photos together — the parents or grandparents, the family homestead, a snapshot from a memorable event, etc.
Ask if a portrait would be desirable, including the size and where it would be displayed. Small framed art on a desk is just fine. Something portable that can be included on business trips is just fine.
Give a memory.
Along the same lines, a videotape of family memories from older generations is priceless.
posted by TrishaU at 8:15 PM on November 9, 2020
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